4 0 2

402 days. 402 (plus or minus… mostly minus) posts.

Tag: advice

Day 37: Not About Dating, Part 3

Good morning, blogeeps… er, blops (What’s the shorthand for “blog readers?”), and happy New Year’s Eve to you.

On this last day of 2012, it seems only appropriate to summarize something—like a year of refusing to date. For most of 2012, I was happily buried in enormous work and dance projects. During the rest of it, I complained about how I stink at online dating.

See past blog posts for parts one and two of the “not about dating” series. You will be riveted.

Over the holidays, I took my friend Russ’s Tweeted advice to play hard to get. I stayed far away from Match and ignored every online message and wink that came my way (there were at least three). I also threw a buffer friend between myself and that guy who approached me at the dance club. I don’t go to clubs terribly often, but when I do, I go to dance, not fraternize. C’mon, man!

In retrospect, playing hard to get isn’t really that fun if there’s only one player.

That said, I do have two prospective real-life interests. Make that three.

1) A former high school classmate who lives somewhere between 1,000 and 2,000 miles away from me. Also, he might be in a relationship. And gay.

2) The cute United Express pilot who smiled at me in the PDX airport yesterday and then proceeded to get on another flight. What’s up with that? Also, I scowled at him. But don’t worry—my internet sleuthing skills rival the best researchers’ out there. I’ll find him and then do nothing.

3) Seth from The O.C. He’s smart, funny, nerdy and plays music in his real life. He’s the best!

Based on my interests, I’d say my next step is therapy.

Here’s to a year in which I avoided dating at all costs, we all survived a non-apocalypse, Girl Scouts turned 100, my friends and I laughed a thousand timessomeone reviewed my Fringe show as “a thing of wonder” and one of my neighbors burned down our dumpster. Bon Voyage, 2012! You truly were a good year.

Day 23: Not About Dating, Part 2

After last week’s post about how much I hate online dating, one of my BFFs (yeah, I said it) encouraged me to buck up and “actually try.”

Here is a collection of conversations she and I have had since then. Her husband (someone I lovingly refer to as one of my Blunt Ones) also participated.

_______________

BFF: “Your profile photo looks great!”
BFF’s husband: “What? No it doesn’t. What is that, your LinkedIn photo? You look too professional. And old.”

Action taken: A new photograph has been installed as my profile photo. I did not remove my original photo; I just made it a secondary image. (I like that photo! However, most of the gentlemen who also expressed an affinity for it were admittedly about a decade older than my preferred mate.)

_______________

Me: “Seriously, I’m done with Match. I emailed two guys and neither of them wrote back.”
BFF: “What did you say?”
Me: “Something about how I hate emailing back and forth with strangers. And how everything in Lowertown has either ‘bull’ or ‘dog’ in the name.”
BFF: “We need to work on your emails.”

Action taken: I agreed to tone down the awkwardness of my emails. I also decided to pick less normal guys.

 _______________

Me: “My favorite photo is the one I posted of the gingerbread house my family and I made a couple of years ago. It’s sitting outside in the snow, sort of askew. And it’s on fire.”
BFF: (silence)
BFF’s husband: “That photo makes you seem creepy and weird.”

Action taken: I added a caption: “My family makes the best gingerbread houses.” We do.

_______________

BFF: (looking at matches on my account) “That guy looks nice! And he cooks! It says here he’s a really good chef, and he even has some pictures of his dishes… a fancy beet salad, some tuna crostini things… You should message him.”
Me: “What would I say?”
BFF’s husband: “How about, ‘Do crostinis make you feel like a giant because they’re so small?’”

Action taken: I laughed until pink champagne stung the inside of my nose. And then BFF (who is quite pregnant) asked if husband and I were going to drink the entire bottle of champagne by ourselves. We said yes.

 _______________

BFF: (still looking at matches on my account) “I think you’re being too picky.”
Me: “Why, because I won’t date a smoker who thinks college is an ‘evil empire?’ And that last guy you picked for me had really big wrists.”
BFF’s husband: “Man. It’s a good thing I’m married. I would have cleaned up on Match.”

Action taken: Two sets of eye-rolls.

  _______________

So. I’ll keep you posted every once in a while. Even though it pains me to blog about dating, it pains me even more to admit that it’s sort of therapeutic.

Day 12: Good Advice

I’ve been freelancing for a little less than two weeks and I’ve already learned some very good lessons.

If you freelance or work from home, here is a list of suggestions for you:

1. Don’t wait until you think you might be leaving your office/apartment/dwelling to brush your teeth. The reality is that you might not leave at all, so you’ll end up brushing your teeth twice at 11 p.m. just to meet your daily quota. You most likely don’t have dental insurance, so this is an important point.

2. Waking up and heading straight to the computer is a bad idea. Wake up and take a moment. Grab a glass of water. Change into your yoga pants. Brush your teeth.

3. Eat something. Anything. Four cups of tea into the day, you might not feel hungry, but your delirious and semi-angry emails to people you don’t know will say otherwise.

4. Take advantage of the flexible schedule. Now that you can work at night instead of in the morning, don’t blow off the morning dance/yoga/insert-your-own-passion-here class you always used to miss. Get your butt out of bed, brush your teeth and go!

5. Don’t ever turn down a coffee or beer date. If someone wants to hang out with you, immediately say, “Yes. WHEN?” Your daily interaction with Brian Boitano will not be enough to satisfy your very basic need to be around others.

6. Don’t depend on your mail carrier to hang out and talk to you.

7. Before you spend 30 minutes blowing up your fit ball so you can work and develop killer alignment at the same time, make sure it’s the right height for your desk. If not, you will get really excited only to sit down and find your keyboard at eye-level.

8. Make yourself some reasonable short-term goals and then chill out. Not sure what you’ll be doing a month from now? It’s okay. Right now, you’re probably just hungry.