Day 44: We All Do It

by ashleighpenrod

Here are six things you probably do and think no one else does (but they do):

1. Not-so-quietly call everyone ahead of you in the airport security line an “amateur” and then proceed to be the worst prepared traveler ever.

You usually remember to put your liquids in a plastic baggie, but it’s buried somewhere underneath the five-pound bag of trail mix you need to sustain yourself on the two-hour flight. And last time you were in line, you double-knotted your shoe laces and made everyone behind you wait while you tried to untie your shoes with one hand and unzip your laptop case with the other.

2. Sing in the shower because you think other people do it and not because you actually like singing in the shower.

Nobody likes singing in the shower (except maybe the professionals).

3. Pretend you’re asleep.

Maybe you haven’t done it since you were five years old and wanted your dad to carry you from the car to the house (driveways can be very long). Or, maybe you did it yesterday when you heard your partner and/or housemate come home and you knew s/he wanted you to organize the junk drawer. Pretending to be asleep is oftentimes the perfect avoidance maneuver. The only problem is that we all do it, so we all know you’re pretending.

4. Realize you’re wrong during an argument and keep arguing anyway because you don’t know what else to do.

You know the moment—when you’ve been passionately making a point and you realize you either meant to make the opposite point or you actually don’t know what you’re talking about. At that moment, there’s really no turning back, so you keep going until both parties are confused by your vehemence.

5. Say you watch less TV than you actually watch.

We’ve all seen the research about how TV rewires and/or rots the brain. But one half-hour, once per week? Please. Downton Abbey counts.

6. Envision doing something inappropriate at a really inopportune time.

Whether it’s reciting the last scene of Die Hard during your niece’s baptism or unsuccessfully attempting the tablecloth trick on that couple sitting next to you at dinner, you maintain a high (but stifled) potential for inappropriate outbursts at any given time.